Velocity Group Cycling

It’s the Saturday shuffle; the weekend group ride. A cornucopia of salt stained jerseys and overpriced bikes are being assembled for their flogging. Some dudes are dressed to the nines in their Quickstep kits, balls deep in Assos cream, 808 Zipps and no clue how to attach their front wheel. Other guys are wearing sleeveless [...]

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I usually only celebrate the standard holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas and some second tier holidays like Valentines Day and Tour of Flanders, but today is “All Fools Day”! I knew I didn’t have the time to top my elaborate “April Fools of 07” scheme which was to force the economy into a downward spiral of [...]

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My friends warned me. My competitors scared me. The scale exposed me. My subconscious lied to me. I don’t know why I’ve ever listened to that voice in my head. It’s the same voice in college that said “Of course you can handle your liquor!” It was also the voice that said “You should wear [...]

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The art of expletive interpretation on race day. Your first Cat 5 race was probably not your introduction to mindless obscenities. It could have been your first group ride, a psychotic ex, or more likely your 9th grade tape of NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton”. If you are under the impression that there is a correlation [...]

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Rule #47: Always show up late to your race. My parents instilled an unhealthy sense of urgency to arrive to any occasion early. If my flight is at 10 I’m at the airport at 6; I’ll have had 3 Venti coffees and studied the Wall Street Journal (strictly to give the impression of intelligence). If [...]

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