Archive | Rusty’s Rants

Perverse or Conventional?

I feel dirty. Probably the same way that Eddie Murphy felt when he was arrested for soliciting a transvestite bobbing for apples. Although not as drastic as tranny fornication I feel just as vile….I bought a mountain bike and I’ve been riding it….a lot. Some might not view this as perverse. I know of roadies [...]

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Arrogance is a hobby.

I was enjoying an above average conversation with a non-cycling buddy when he proposed a valid question: “Why are all road cyclists such pricks?” Obviously this is a stereotypical assumption, but I have to admit this wasn’t the first time I said it… I mean, uh, heard it. Let us further examine the legitimacy of [...]

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Dear Rusty…

Here’s a special Thanksgiving Day version of Dear Rusty. Actually, it has nothing to do with Thanksgiving except for the fact that I am posting it on Thanksgiving Day. Anyways, Happy Turkey Day, eat lots. ————— Dear Rusty- I am new to cycling, and not really a racer (yet), but a friend of mine told [...]

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Dear Rusty…

He’s back folks and spitting out advice left and right… I’ll warn you, at Rusty’s request I promised not to censor this one… ————— Dear Rusty, I need some advice on clothing choice….I really want to do well at Valley of the Sun stage race this year, and I hear it’s all about the TT; [...]

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Dear Rusty…

Dear Rusty, I’ve been riding with the same local team for 3 years now. The guys on the team are not only teammates, but they’ve become good friends as well. Heck, one of them was best man in my wedding. Another is my child’s God parent. In the past 3 years I’ve gone from a [...]

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Breaking up is hard to do….

“Soap opera stories run concurrently, intersect and lead into further developments. An individual episode of a soap opera will generally switch between several different concurrent story threads that may at times interconnect and affect one another or may run entirely independent of each other.” You probably deciphered from Wikipedia’s initial paragraph, I am referring to [...]

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No rest for the wicked!

It’s mid-summer. The heat has dissolved my bar tape into such a gooey, disgusting mess that I’m anticipating the metamorphosis of my handlebar into some rare cycling insect….like Mauricio Soler. My helmet straps, once black, now have stalactites of salt. I’ve decided to forgo gloves altogether and rather duct tape a set of “Sham Wows” [...]

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They are laughing at you, not with you.

There is a pandemic sweeping through Arizona cycling like Lindsey Lohan’s V.D. at a TMZ after-party. At one time, only the rich and famous were susceptible to it, but now it shows no boundaries. Now your local Cat II is not only vulnerable, but is the forerunner of the outbreak. Twitter. Let me say that [...]

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You may have won the battle…..

Austin mentioned that a few turds commented on my posts being “too edgy”. He didn’t name names, and I didn’t ask. It doesn’t matter…..I do think it’s idiotic that I have to stifle my writing because some cyclo-puritans are ultra sensitive. That being said, this is not my site. I don’t want to drag Austin’s [...]

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Earth Day: Mother Nature is ovulating!

I’ve been sorting through a barrage of “Earth Day” spam mail from friends, family and others that I don’t really give two shits about. I just can’t fathom what compels others to send me “Earth Day” related email garbage! Just because I ride a bicycle doesn’t mean I soak my manhood in patchouli oil and [...]

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