He’s back folks and spitting out advice left and right… I’ll warn you, at Rusty’s request I promised not to censor this one…

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Dear Rusty,

I need some advice on clothing choice….I really want to do well at Valley of the Sun stage race this year, and I hear it’s all about the TT; so I have really been putting the time in on my TT bike. The problem is, over these last couple weeks, with the weather cooling off, I have been wearing arm warmers and an undershirt, which keeps my arms and core comfortable, but my shoulders just get super warm. My friend, who is an amazing athlete (Finished Ironman AZ last year in under 12hrs) says I should skip the jersey, wear a wind vest and arm warmers. What do you think?

Perplexed in Phoenix,

Sunburned_Shoulders

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It’s refreshing to read about a dedicated racer attempting to get the best out of their pre-season goals. Base miles on the TT bike will no doubt help your VOS GC objective, coincidentally it will assist in your “Pro-taint” upgrade; but I’ll address this issue further in a future article.

It’s rudimentary knowledge that an elevated core temperature causes the body to work overtime in the cooling process, robbing one of vital energy that should be intended to power the pedals. Confused triathletes have assumed for years that the best way to alleviate your core temperature without freezing your extremities is through specific “venting” variations.

One such variation is the arm warmer/sleeveless jersey combination. Although widely believed to cool the scapula this is a common misconception. It’s true purpose, like gang colors or Shriner hats, is to identify fellow tri geeks during the winter season. Like the scarlet letter, a cyclist can take a quick glance and instantly identify the bare shoulder as someone banished from society for their three way perversion and general indecency.

Another venting variation, although not as common, the “belly shirt” or better known as the “triathlete tube top” which exposes accumulated heat on your lower back and simultaneously allows the competitor to smugly display their tattoo of the Japanese symbol for “courage”.

One of the most radical varieties of “venting” is the wind vest/arm warmer mishmash; or as I fondly refer to it as the “SanFran ManTan”. Will it keep the body cool? Yes. Have you made an intelligent judgment call? No. Like the “crotchless panty” of the cycling world, exposed shoulders are void of any purpose other than to symbolize you laugh in the face of common sense and your mother drank heavily during pregnancy.

P.S. Get a divorce….your friend obviously hates you and is probably sleeping with your wife.

Rusty Chain