It’s the Saturday shuffle; the weekend group ride. A cornucopia of salt stained jerseys and overpriced bikes are being assembled for their flogging.

Some dudes are dressed to the nines in their Quickstep kits, balls deep in Assos cream, 808 Zipps and no clue how to attach their front wheel. Other guys are wearing sleeveless jerseys with arm warmers (WTF?) a TT bike with enough spacers in the stem that he can ride upright while laying down ….yeah, it’s a rolling contradiction. Also frequenting the group ride is the Silverback. Like Tom Selleck in a Speedo, the hair on his body can’t be confined by his kit and by the end of the ride his appearance resembles Teen Wolf awaking from a violent wet dream.

The one that troubles me the most is the fashion victim. Nothing is more distracting than cruising in a pace line and the dude in front of you is sporting a white kit. When did ass hair become vogue? If I wanted to view some dude’s butt crack all day I would buy a fixie, hang out with the douche bags in girl pants and do some bitchin skids!

White = PRO and you are not one.

RUSTY CHAIN