The art of expletive interpretation on race day.

Your first Cat 5 race was probably not your introduction to mindless obscenities. It could have been your first group ride, a psychotic ex, or more likely your 9^th grade tape of NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton”. If you are under the impression that there is a correlation between category and chastising frequency you are correct. If you are under the impression that the PRO 1/2 field is filled with alter boys you are mistaken.

As a Cat V you come across what I refer to as: “The Corporate World”; let me explain. You have a large assembly of coworkers (riders) just counting the minutes until the end. Within that group you have a self-appointed collection of idiots which want to command how things should be done. Unfortunately, no one takes initiative and the term “bail out” has a much different connotation. And just as in business, in the end everyone is standing around the water cooler gossiping about what should have been done and how everyone else is awful.

Cat IV is slightly different. Have you ever heard the term “a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing”? This proverb came directly from a Cat IV educating the rest of the group on how to form an echelon after reciting the latest article from Outside magazine. They expound on how much work they had done and usually finish last.

You don’t hear “hold your line” as much in Cat III, but altercations become less generalized and much more personal. This is called: “Coaching Syndrome”. During a race they will let you know how bad or good your pedal stroke is, how diving the corners is frowned upon and why rider X will never accomplish a solo breakaway. This can be some useful info but usually this is coming from the guy who is the perpetual Cat III. Think disgruntled rider who is more concerned about others than themselves.

In PRO 1/2 everything is considered intentional and there may or may not be some truth to that. Everyone has a competitive understanding so the “Coaching Syndrome” is minimized. Everyone has slogged in the wind and recognize that there are no useful articles in Outside magazine. Most of the gossip is not about how awful someone is but rather how incredible a rider has become. So when the F-bombs start flying they are direct and to the point.

Hungry Dog was an event like any other and the lack of a break in the 1-2-3 field caused some tension in the final 10 laps. Some parties exchanged words, but it’s how you interperate those words that matter. I interpreted it as a “Claustrophobic Cluster F_ _ _”.