Rule #47: Always show up late to your race.

My parents instilled an unhealthy sense of urgency to arrive to any occasion early. If my flight is at 10 I’m at the airport at 6; I’ll have had 3 Venti coffees and studied the Wall Street Journal (strictly to give the impression of intelligence). If my dentist appointment is at 3, I’ll arrive at 1:45; I’ll have read two National Geographic magazines, one InTouch and one Sports Illustrated (strictly to compensate for reading InTouch).

As you can imagine the same holds true for race day. I’m usually early watching the Cat V’s and the delicate balance between chaos and mass chaos. I’m punctual because I like to be prepared. I want everything organized and out of the way: I’ve pissed in the port-o-sauna 12 times, trainer is set, race wheels are aired, numbers are pinned and my iPod playlist is music children should never be exposed to or they will inevitably serve hard time.

So nothing rusts my chain more than when an acquaintance/friend/teammate decides to show up 20 minutes before the start. They haven’t signed up for the race yet. All their crap is in the back of their car like a spandex/ass grenade exploded with safety pin shrapnel and some type of Cytomax agent orange. Your buddy asks politely if you could “help him get his equipment set up?” Translated means: You assemble everything and they will go sign-in after their 10min port-o-sauna.

Now I’m tiptoeing around in my cleats trying to set up a trainer, fill water bottles and get their wheels to the pit. I tend to lose patience when requested to pin on their number. I find nothing more tedious than clumsily fumbling with pins and Lycra all the while trying not to keep from stabbing said buddy intentionally!

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only real difference of racing as a PRO and racing as an armature is your arrival time. Category difficulty is relative; but show up early and you’re slogging your own paraphernalia back and forth. Show up behind schedule and you’ve got a team of assistants managing every minor detail.

Go PRO this weekend!